


Tears of an Angel

by Run Im A Natural Disaster (Darkness34)



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotherly Love, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Gen, Grief probably shouldn't be handled like it is in this story, Grief/Mourning, I'm Bad At Summaries, Marineford Arc, Moved from FanFiction.net, Non-Graphic Depictions of Injury, Non-Graphic Violence, Probably bad advice, Songfic, new and improved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24464233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkness34/pseuds/Run%20Im%20A%20Natural%20Disaster
Summary: "The war has ended," Jimbei said. "Ace is...""Don't say it! Don't say another word!" Luffy interrupted. Effectively cutting off whatever the fishman was about to say."I've already pinched my cheek so hard that it started to bleed! If this was a dream, I would have woken up by now!" His voice cracked. He swallowed heavily before soldiering on."It's not a dream, isn't it? Ace died, didn't he!?" he yelled as tears began to bead in the corners of his eyes.-A songfic set towards the end of Amazon Lily to the end of the war.
Relationships: Jinbei & Monkey D. Luffy, Monkey D. Luffy & Portgas D. Ace, Monkey D. Luffy & Portgas D. Ace & Sabo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Tears of an Angel

Tears of an Angel

Originally Published: May 30, 2010

Last Edited: May 30, 2020

*  * * * *

“Grief is a house where the chairs have forgotten how to hold us, the mirrors how to reflect us the walls, how to contain us….grief is a house where no one can protect you, where the younger sister will grow older than the older one, where the doors no longer let you in or out.”

― Jandy Nelson,  _ The Sky Is Everywhere _ , copyright 2010

*  * * * *

When Luffy was little his grandfather would always force him to drink tea with him.

“Tea is important!” Garp would bark when Luffy complained because ‘ _ tea is boring, Jii-san! And it tastes super gross!’  _ Luffy continued, sticking his tongue out like just imagining drinking tea put a gross taste in his mouth. 

Garp’s nostrils flared, a tick appearing above his left eye. “Tea is important,” Garp said again. Every word sounding like it was forced out between gritted teeth. “Brats like you might not understand but it is.”

An indisconcernable emotion swept through Garp’s eyes; gone too quickly for Luffy to puzzle out what it was. Luffy tilted his head. Confusion scrunched his face up, a baffled annoyance nipped persistently at him as the desire to run and play filled him. Impatiently, Luffy shuffled his feet; behind him the trees in the forest glowed with light, dapples of sunlight sprinkling the well-worn forest path. Somewhere in the distance something roared. It looked  _ exciting.  _ A whine escaped Luffy’s throat. All this standing around doing nothing when he could be out having an adventure! Think of all the beetles he could find! Or, even better, what tasty animals he could find! Luffy hoped he’d find a tiger; tiger meat was his favorite, especially when it was roasted over a fire and it got all tender and tasted like the smoke from the fire. Luffy’s mouth watered at the thought. ‘That’s it,’ Luffy decided, ‘I have to find a tiger!’ 

Garp sighed. The sound dragging Luffy from his daydreams. A hand landed on his shoulder, Luffy glanced up, meeting the unusually solemn eyes of his grandfather. The hand tightened as Garp seemed to wage an internal battle with himself. Mouth twisting Garp appeared to come to a decision. 

Slowly, Garp knelt before Luffy, grasping Luffy’s small hands in his larger, warm ones. Garp’s fingers were callused and they scraped against Luffy’s skin, catching gently on the delicate skin of his palms. Luffy sighed out a breath. This is nice, Luffy thought; it wasn’t often that he actually enjoyed spending time with his grandfather and suddenly he desperately didn’t want the moment to end. 

Curling his fingers around Garp’s, Luffy clung to his grandfather’s hand with all the strength he had. Garp clung back just as tightly, a sad smile contorting his face. Taking a deep breath, Garp straightened, looking up at Luffy. “Tea is important,” Garp began again “but tea is also complicated. It’s-”

Garp cut himself off, a frustrated grunt tore from his throat. Luffy moved to speak but Garp shook his head. One hand came up to cover Luffy’s mouth.

“This is important, Luffy. This is something you need to know. And it shouldn’t be this hard to talk about, damn it!” Rage darkened Garp’s face. Alarmed Luffy tugged his hands out of Garp’s grasp; standing quickly Garp took two quick breaths. His chest heaving, rising and falling like a fire hungrily grasping for more oxygen to feed it before settling again. 

His hands opened and closed, flexing as Garp worked to contain his frustration. Luffy carefully backed up. Garp’s back was facing him but it did little to ease Luffy’s sudden anxiety that if he misstepped he’d be met with his grandfather’s infamous ‘fist of love’. As though beating Luffy would literally knock some sense into him. Glancing over his shoulder, Luffy stepped backward, inching his way to the safety of the trees. Maybe if he could reach the forest he could sneak away and they could pretend that this conversation never happened.

Plan made, Luffy began to hastily, but stealthily, sneak towards the trees closest to him. He was almost there when Garp’s voice made him pause in his retreat. 

“Luffy, do you know why I keep making you have tea with me?” Garp suddenly burst out. 

“Nope!” Luffy exclaimed. “Isn’t it just to drink tea?”

“No,” Garp said, turning to face Luffy once again. “I do it because it’s one of the few times we’re together. Usually I’m away at sea and you’re off galavanting who knows where. This is why tea is so important. It brings us  _ together.  _ So I wanted you to have this. As something to help you when times get tough.” Garp paused a small smile crossing his lips as he looked at Luffy, eyes sparkling “….and I hope it reminds you of your family and we'll be together. Even if only in spirit.” 

Luffy paused thinking it over. Now that Garp had vocalized the idea he realized that it was true. Lots of people gathered in Makino’s tavern to drink and socialize; the fisherman by the dock drank  _ a lot  _ while they waited for the fish to bite. Even Shank’s crew congregated to drink together as often as possible despite the difficulty in finding a location big enough to house the entire crew. A wide grin appeared on Luffy’s face as he remembered how much fun it was to hang out with Shanks and his friends. It felt like love and belonging. It felt like  _ family _ . 

Excitedly Luffy raised his arms. Waving them around he shouted, “I understand, Jii-san! You want to drink tea with me because you miss me when you go away!” Sobering he continued, “I miss people,too. I miss Shanks when he leaves and sometimes I miss Makino and old man Woop Slap and I miss-” Luffy broke off. A blush spreading across his cheeks, agitation and discomfort obvious on his young face. 

Luffy toed a line in the soft dirt beneath his shoes as he squirmed in embarrassment. Brown eyes darted to Garp’s face before he quickly looked away again. His lip quivered as he fought with himself. Because what if Garp ridiculed him? What if he didn’t care? Luffy risked another glance at his grandfather. Garp’s eyes were soft as he patiently waited for Luffy to continue. The soft look threw Luffy. Patience was not something people associated with Monkey D. Garp but neither was tenderness. ‘How strange,’ Luffy mused. He felt kind of off balance, as though the whole world had been tipped upside down while he wasn’t looking and everything had changed. But he supposed that if everything  _ had  _ changed then he had nothing to fear from this strange version of his grandfather. The swell of courage bolstered him. ‘ _ Be brave, be brave, be brave’  _ Luffy chanted to himself. Pirates weren’t afraid of something so silly as sharing their  _ feelings.  _ And Luffy was a pirate so that meant he wasn’t afraid of sharing how he felt with his grandfather. Even if said grandfather tied him to balloons and sent him flying into the sky or threw him into a ravine or- 

“I miss you when you go away, Jii-san.”

Surprise flitted across Garp’s face, a startled burst of laughter bubbling past his lips. A wide smile settled perfectly into place. Garp’s face was well suited for smiling; the joyful crows feet surrounding his eyes only serving to better express his delight. “Hahaha, thanks brat! You sure know how to make your ojii-san proud!”

“What’s so funny, Jii-san?” Luffy complains petulantly. Why was Garp laughing? Luffy didn’t think what he’d said was funny. ‘He’s probably just doing it to be a jerk.’ Luffy huffs. This makes Garp laugh harder - “Stop laughing!” - tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“Never mind, let’s go have some tea!” 

“Stop ignoring me!”

Garp chuckles. Reaching down a hand he scoops Luffy up, carrying him under his arm like a sack of potatoes. 

“ _ Jii-san _ ,” Luffy shrieks “Put me  _ down _ !”

Garp just smiles.

*  * * * *

Luffy was enjoying Amazon Lily. The people were very friendly and accommodating now that he’d won over their empress. The island was exciting and the food was  _ delicious _ . If only he could properly enjoy it.

‘I just wish they’d let me eat in peace,’ Luffy grumbled as yet another Kuja warrior stretched his cheek. Rude. Didn’t they see he was trying to eat? Didn’t they know that it was hard to eat with people pulling on his face? ‘Jerks!’ Luffy pouted as the Kuja continued to poke and prod him. 

Finally, after a particularly harsh stretch, Luffy snapped. “Ahh, stop that already! How am I meant to eat with people poking me and stretching me?!”

The woman closest to him smiled unapologetically. “Well, it can’t really be helped...you’re leaving tomorrow, aren’t you? Everybody wants to take this opportunity to experience a real live ‘man’...” Turning slightly, she gestured at the women congregated around him. “See - you’re so popular!” 

Luffy’s frown deepened. 

“Well, yeah, I can’t stay, I have to go find my crew. And besides what does that have to do with-”

The woman cut him off, “Besides how else would I be able to make this much money?” She brandished a sign that read 1 touch = 20 gold.

“Stop making a business out of me!”

The Kuja whined - “Aww, c’mon Luffy-chan!” - “Let us have a touch!” - “Let us have a poke!” -- as they swarmed him.

‘They’re worse than hungry sea-kings’ Luffy thought alarmed. 

Fed up he started to run. “Quit it! I can’t eat with all this poking and prodding!” he yelled over his shoulder. 

He wasn’t sure where he was going but anywhere was better than sitting with these crazy girls! 

He’d only run a short distance, the swarm of Kuja following close behind, when he heard a voice from the roof in front of him.

“Psst, Luffy! Up here!” Marguerite whisper-shouted. She waved her hands wildly gesturing for Luffy to join her on the roof. Without hesitation and forgoing his usual cry of ‘gomu gomu’ for the sake of stealth, Luffy stretched his arms and catapulted himself onto the roof. He landed easily and shot Marguerite a grin. She smiled in response. 

“C’mon,” she said “We’d better hide. Don’t worry I have just the place.” 

~

She led him to a nondescript house on the edge of town. Opening the door she ushered Luffy through the opening before stepping through herself. 

“What is it now, Marguerite?” came a weathered voice from deeper within the house.

“Luffy got a little too popular with the women of the village so I figured I’d better rescue him.” 

They turned a corner; Granny Nyon came into view. She was seated on a wicker chair reading a newspaper, her feet propped up on a footstool. She looked annoyed at being interrupted. 

Luffy was startled to see her “Ahh! Old bean lady!”

Granny Nyon sighed, “Well, meeting a man is a rare experience for them. You should probably stay out of sight for the moment.” Pausing, she turned to glare at Luffy “And just who do you think you are calling me a ‘bean’?!”

Luffy stared at her nonplussed. He hummed, tilting his head, making him look very similar to a bewildered dog. 

“But you’re so small, just like a bean....” he trailed off.

Granny Nyon sighed again, sounding very put upon. Closing her eyes she pinched the bridge of her nose “...Marguerite,why don’t you go and make the boy some tea?”

“Right!”

Luffy smiled gently, an old memory niggled at him. But it evaporated like smoke when he tried to reach for it, to examine it closer. 

‘Oh well,’ Luffy thought, ‘it’s probably nothing important.’ 

Shaking the memory away, he looked around the room curiously. Granny Nyon’s house was plain. The floors were made of a sleek, shiny wood. They shone brightly in the light. A low lying table surrounded by plush cushions took up the majority of the space in the room. In the corner a lone bookcase stood stoically, it’s shelves filled with bits and bobs. A vase with a single flower balanced on the top. The entire place smelled vaguely like fruit and herbs. 

Approaching the table, Luffy knelt on one of the available cushions.

It was heavily embroidered with intricate mandala motifs. The thread poked Luffy in the knees and he shifted to find a more comfortable position.

Once he was satisfied he turned his attention to Granny Nyon. 

“You sure like newspapers, huh?”

“They’re not easy to get a hold of here, you know. The news coo don’t usually deliver to the calm belt but our empress is a shichibukai and it would hardly do for her to not know the state of world affairs.”

“A shichibukai? Who?”

“Hmm, Hebihime, of course.”

“What!?” Luffy shouted bug-eyed “A shichibukai?! Then is she actually really, really strong!?”

Elder Nyon lowered her paper. She squinted incredulously at Luffy, her lips compressed into a thin line. 

“...you’re a pirate and you didn’t even know that?” she asked with disdain.

“N..No, I didn’t…” Luffy stammered. 

“You really do shock me...there are limits to ignorance, you know!” Granny Nyon snapped at him. “Next you’re going to tell me that you haven’t even heard the latest news about Whitebeard!”

Luffy numbly shook his head, he vaguely noted that she made a disgusted noise at his response. His head was still spinning with the news he had received. Hancock was a shichibukai? He’d had no idea that she was so strong. ‘Her beam attack didn’t even work, though’ Luffy thought. ‘So how strong is she really?’ 

Alongside the questions came a thread of irritation. When exactly was he supposed to have learned this stuff? On Sabaody, when Cami was kidnapped and his crew scattered? Here, when he was either in prison or fighting for his life? Before that when he was busy saving his friends  _ again _ ? Did she really think that he had time or the patience to just sit and peacefully read a newspaper? 

Annoyed, Luffy opened his mouth to retort when Marguerite returned with the requested tea. Quickly, she placed the cup in front of Luffy before settling on the cushion next to him. Drawing her knees up to her chin she looked between the two of them questioningly. Granny Nyon met her eyes steadily before turning to Luffy. Answering his silent question she continued.

“Nothing is certain just yet, of course, but in all probability a battle is imminent. The shichibukai and the marine HQ are going to battle against the Whitebeard pirates.”

“What! That’s crazy!” Luffy exclaimed. 

“These are unprecedented times. The World Government has made an extraordinarily stupid move,” she grumbled. “Whitebeard would never standby and let a member of his crew be killed. The marines know this, of course, and still they decided to announce the public execution of Portgas D. Ace. A great commander of Whitebeards.”

Luffy froze, his cup raised halfway to his lips. Shaking, he robotically returned his cup to the table. His breathing increased as anxiety flooded through him. 

“What’s wrong?” Marguerite asked, her eyes shining with concern. “Do you-.”

Luffy cut her off. 

“Of who? Who did you say they were gonna execute?” 

“Ace. ‘Fire Fist’ Ace.”

“Ace is gonna get executed?!”

~

**Cover my eyes**

**Cover my ears**

**Tell me these words are a lie**

**~**

“You’re lying! Ace couldn’t have been captured! He’s way too strong!” Luffy yelled, torn between outrage and a swell of despair so strong that it turned his knees to jelly. 

Luffy stood, his features twisted up with anguish because this wasn’t the way things were supposed to go. His crew wasn’t supposed to be seperated, his friends weren’t supposed to suffer for his mistakes,  _ Ace wasn’t supposed to die _ . He’d promised he wouldn’t! ‘He promised,’ Luffy thought again, face crumpling. He felt like a cannonball had been dropped in his stomach. It made him feel off-balanced like he was bouncing back and forth between an all consuming dread and a black anger that tore at his insides. 

He couldn’t remember a time when his emotions had been so out of control. As though his body was experiencing every negative emotion at once. It was not a pleasant feeling. Not even Sabo’s death had made him feel like this. 

Granny Nyon’s eyes widened in alarm. “It’s the truth! Apparently a pirate called Blackbeard became a warlord by defeating ‘Fire Fist’ Ace.”

“Blackbeard…” he muttered. Dimly, Luffy connected the name to the man he’d met all that time ago in Mock Town. His mouth twisted into a snarl, ‘I should have beaten up that scumbag when I had the chance’ he thought to himself. Shaking his head, Luffy forced himself to focus on the matter at hand. Granny Nyon was still talking.

“The World Government will want to take full advantage of this big fish they’ve caught-”

“A pirate named Ace-” - “Granny-”, they spoke at the same time.

“Granny!” Luffy repeated. “That’s my brother! Ace is my older brother!”

“What!” 

~

**It can't be true**

**That I'm losing you**

**The sun cannot fall from the sky**

~

**“** Is this true?! He is your elder brother?!” Granny Nyon exclaimed, shock painted on her face. 

“I didn’t even know he’d been captured and now he’s being executed?!! There’s no running from a thing like that!” Luffy said in a rush. He grabbed Granny Nyon’s arm, she gasped loudly. “How do I save him!”

She pulled away, her eyes tight with pain. Dimly, Luffy realized that his grip must have been too tight and he’d hurt her. It didn’t feel important. Ace was the only thing that mattered right now. Ace can’t die, I won’t let it happen! ‘Besides,’ he thought ‘fire's immortal. Ace dying is about as impossible as eternal darkness’.

To her credit, Granny Nyon was quick to recover. “Humph! If Whitebeard prevails in this battle it is possible that he may still be saved.”

Luffy nodded so quickly if he’d been normal he would have given himself whiplash, “I want to help! Where are they holding this execution?!”

“Mmm…” Granny Nyon paused to examine her paper. Her eyebrows drew together in concentration. It furled her brow, she looked very grim. “It says here that the location is to be the plaza of marineford, home of the marine headquarters in ‘one week’s time’ so from today that would be six days.”

“What-? But that’s so soon!” Luffy yelped. “How long does it take to get from here to Sabaody?”

“Well, it would doubtless take longer than a week.” she replied.

Luffy groaned in frustration, “But then before I can even meet up with my crew it’s all going to be over for Ace!” He dragged a heavy hand through his hair, breathing heavily as he tried to decide what to do. “How long would it take to get to Ace from here, then?”

“Impel Down is where he is currently imprisoned.” Granny Nyon said thinking out loud “It would take a week by pirate ship or four days by marine vessel.”

“Why? Are the marine ships that much faster?”

“There are certain currents set aside exclusively for marine use.” Granny Nyon explained “Enies Lobby, Impel Down and the Marine Headquarters are connected by a mighty current. By opening the ‘Gates of Justice’, gigantic gates present at all three locations, the currents are able to rush in, allowing access to these three locations. In other words, if the gates are not open, a ship caught in the current would simply sweep straight on by. As such, a pirate ship would be forced to avoid the whirlpool currents taking the longer route around!”

Luffy took this in. Taking off his hat he carefully removed Ace’s vivre card. It smoked in his palm. “What am I supposed to do?” he fretted. 

“What do you want to do?” Granny Nyon asked.

Luffy’s hand clenched around the card. He  _ wanted _ to get his crew but he  _ needed  _ to save Ace. If only there were enough time to do both! He closed his eyes, his mind whirling. He pictured his crew - happy and safe, free on the high seas - they were quickly overtaken by memories of Ace. Of them running wild and reckless and so brilliantly free across Mount Colubo. It was Ace as he was always meant to be. Opening his eyes, Luffy mentally apologized to his nakama, he knew what he needed to do.

“I want to go and save Ace!” 

~

**Can you hear heaven cry?**

**Tears of an angel**

**Tears of an angel**

**Tears of an angel**

**Tears of an angel**

~

Luffy knelt on the ground, trembling with exhaustion. His breath came in harsh pants, he felt uncomfortably hot like he had a fever. His vision blurred and he fought to keep himself conscious. ‘ _ Don’t pass out. Not yet _ ,’ he pleaded with himself mentally ‘ _ not yet. I can rest when Ace is safe _ ’. 

He forced himself to straighten, sitting back on his heels. Blearily, he looked around his surroundings. Ace was in front of him, clutching his burned arm, Akainu towered menacingly over him. It made Luffy uneasy. He wanted to get up and drag Ace somewhere safe but his legs refused to cooperate. He clenched his teeth, annoyed that he couldn’t manage this one simple thing. Luffy tore his eyes away, grieved by the pained look on Ace’s face. He couldn’t look at him, it made him feel terrible like a child caught in something too big for him to handle. Tilting his head down, he was surprised to see something white in the corner of his vision. 

Turning he realized that what he had seen was Ace’s vivre card. It had - apparently - fallen out of his hat while he’d struggled to compose himself. As he watched it painstakingly move a couple centimeters closer to Ace, pulled his direction by some invisible force.

“Ace’s vivre card..” Luffy gasped hoarsely as he reached for the paper to pick it up. It proved to be more difficult than he’d expected, the paper kept moving out of his reach whenever he moved to grab it. 

"The son of the Pirate King, Roger, and the son of the Revolutionary Dragon. To imagine that these two have become brothers is a frightening thought," Akainu spat. "Your very bloodlines are a crime of the highest order. Your fates have been decided. No matter if I let every pirate escape, I will not allow you two to leave here."

Akainu looked down his nose at Ace, a sneer etched into his hard face. "Now watch." 

He turned suddenly towards Luffy, who was still on the ground reaching for the vivre card, completely oblivious to the danger he was in.

Ace's eyes widened in alarm as he realized what Akainu was going to do. "Wait!" he howled distressed.

Akainu didn’t even pause. Unhesitatingly, Akainu continued his advance towards Luffy, his raised fist steaming with molten lava, completely oblivious to Ace’s pleas behind him. 

Luffy had nearly succeeded in picking up the vivre card, his fingers brushing against it, when he heard Ace scream his name. His head jerked up startled, he turned and was shocked to see Akainu bearing down on him. An intense heat wafting from him. Luffy gasped, mouth hanging open, eyes bulging as he saw Akainu’s fist get closer. ‘Get up!’ he commanded himself ‘ _ Get up! _ ’ 

But it was no use his body just wouldn’t cooperate. He felt weighed down like all his limbs had been replaced with rocks, a dead weight that he couldn’t even begin to lift. He’d pushed himself too hard and too fast and now he was suffering the consequences. 

‘At least I saved Ace’. The thought made Luffy smile, even as he accepted that he was going to die. He stared at Akainu resigned to what was about to happen but the fatal hit never came. 

The change happened too quickly for Luffy to comprehend. One moment he was looking at Akainu, the next Ace was in front of him. He stood spread eagled in front of Luffy, his arms and legs spread wide, protecting Luffy from the admiral’s attack. There was a fist through his chest, Luffy noted dumbly. 

There was a fist through his  _ chest _ . 

Awareness returned to Luffy as he gazed at the bloody mess of his big brother’s torso. For a moment time stood still as the brothers made eye contact. Ace’s eyes were tight with pain but he stared hungrily at Luffy, drinking in the sight of him - not whole, not healthy but safe - as though that alone could sustain him. 

Tears beaded in the corners of Luffy’s eyes. This can’t be happening. For one desperate moment Luffy hoped that this was all a nightmare and he’d wake up back in New Okamaland and discover that he’d merely dreamed of rescuing Ace. It wasn’t really, it couldn’t be real, this was not a reality that Luffy was prepared to accept. 

The spell was broken when Ace gasped hoarsely, blood bubbling past his lips, staining his chin scarlet. He didn’t cry out, not even when Akainu yanked his arm out of his chest, refusing to give Akainu the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurt him. Blood began to spill faster from the wound now that it was no longer plugged with his fist. Ace’s chest heaved, bloody vomit splattered the ground in front of him. His knees began to sag.

Adrenaline flooded Luffy’s body forcing deadened limbs into motion. Luffy lunged, catching Ace before he could hit the ground. He held him in his arms, his hands moving to Ace’s back to try to stop the bleeding.

“Why?” Luffy said. “Why did you jump in front of me?! You could die because of that stunt! My life isn't nearly as important as yours!”

Ace weakly shook his head. “You’re my...little brother, it’s... my...job,” he gasped out. Each word sounded taxed, as though it took monumental effort to speak them. 

Luffy groaned anguished. He opened his mouth to start ranting, to scream at Ace for putting him through this, but he was too upset to articulate what he wanted to say .  He felt like someone had punched him in the face. It made it hard to think, to concentrate on what was happening, everything had a dreamlike quality to it. Like if he concentrated too hard on something it would dissipate like smoke. Luffy didn’t think he’d ever felt this dumbstruck before. It was a surreal feeling.

Ace’s eyes had a knowing look in them. He looked like he understood that Luffy hadn’t grasped the finality of the situation yet. He wished he could explain properly but he couldn’t find the energy or the breath he needed. His mouth turned down in regret. His eyes began to dim. He clung to life with desperate fingers, he couldn’t die yet. He had something he had to say first. Around them the battle raged. Akainu was fending off attacks from two of Whitebeard's crew and Jinbei. Then Whitebeard himself. But the brothers did not notice, they’re awareness centered only on each other. 

~

**Stop every clock**

**The stars are in shock**

**The river would run to the sea**

~

"Ace?" Luffy whispered. "Hey, can you hear me?"

Ace wheezed in response.

"You'll be fine, right?" He pulled one his hand away from Ace's back, his eyes widened even more, to discover that it was absolutely drenched in blood. It dripped off his palm, turned his entire arm red and slippery. "Ace,we have to hurry and treat your wounds."

"I'm sorry...Luffy..." Ace said brokenly, his voice wet with blood. "I’m sorry...sorry I couldn't let you save me properly. I'm...so sorry..."

Luffy stared at him in disbelief. Why was he apologizing? Why was he acting like he was gonna die? He can’t die! He promised me he wouldn’t! "Wh-what are you saying? Don't be ridiculous! Don't say stupid things like that!" he yelled. He twisted to look at Ace's crew, his eyes wide and wet and wild. "Someone, help him! Ace...please save Ace! Hey, isn't there anyone who can save Ace!? Come on!"

They looked down with grief clear on their faces. They were the picture of defeat. Luffy watched as one man’s fists tightened, his hands trembling, his mouth working soundlessly. He looked like he was able to speak but he only shook his head slowly. He turned away from Luffy. Finally, one man - Luffy assumed he must be the ship’s doctor - detached from the crowd and hurried towards them.

“I’m coming!”

Stopping behind Ace he quickly examined his sibling's wound.

"Hurry, help Ace!" Luffy yelled at him.

The doctor hesitated, his eyes darkening with sorrow as he realized that nothing could be done. The wound was fatal. Nothing could be done to save Ace. 

Luffy stared in confusion at the man wondering why he wasn’t doing anything to treat Ace’s wound. "Hey? What's wrong? Hurry up and save him!"

The doctor said nothing for several seconds, when he spoke his voice was tremulous, "This is…” he broke off, “Forgive me."

Luffy snapped backwards like he’d been slapped. "What do you mean? What are you saying!? Do something!" he shouted, betrayed. He looked like if he had the strength he would have torn the doctor in two. "Hey...hey, you're a doctor, aren't you!? Aren't you!?" 

The doctor said nothing as he endured Luffy’s abuse. Tears dripped down his face. Regret was apparent on his face; it must have hurt him terribly knowing that there was nothing he could do to save his friend. He knew this. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say as such to Ace’s baby brother. Luckily, he didn’t have to. 

"It's no use. He fried my insides." Ace explained, his voice strained, a mere shadow of his usually strong voice. "I won't be coming back from this. I can tell my life is at its end."

"Don't say that." Luffy pleaded. “How can you be dying? I came to rescue you, not make you die because of me!” He cast around desperately for a way to save his brother, his guiding star, his sun. His face suddenly brightened. "I know, Iva!" He called looking quickly at the okama, his bulk clearly visible in the sea of pirates. Iva could save him, he knew he could, he’d saved Luffy when everyone else thought it was impossible. Surely he could do the same thing for Ace! "Hey, please, use that! Inject Ace with it, okay!?

Iva grimaced. A frown marred his usually jolly face. 

Luffy continued to plead, heedless of Iva’s growing discomfort. 

"Inject Ace with that stuff you save me with! Save Ace! Okay? Please! I'm begging you! Give Ace some of it too! Give him a shot of it!"

"Strawhat-boy!" Iva interrupted, his shoulders heaving, he looked pained to be watching Luffy’s grief. To see the son of his friend hurting in this way. He couldn’t bear to watch anymore but he also desperately wanted Luffy to understand what was happening. If someone had to break the news of Ace’s mortality to him, it might as well be him. Resolve made, he looked directly at Luffy. "Ace-boy is beyond saving. I’m sorry Luffy. There’s nothing we can do."

Luffy’s face crumpled, the hope in his eyes vanished and was replaced with a look of utter devastation. He didn’t want to believe what they were saying yet.

He shifted and returned his gaze to his brother, holding him tighter, his voice shook when he spoke. "What are they talking about...Ace…are you going to die?"

Ace said nothing.

~

**I won't let you fly**

**I won't say goodbye**

**I won't let you slip away from me**

~

Suddenly rage overtook Luffy’s face, “You liar! You promised me!  _ You promised _ ! You said you would never die didn't you!?"

Ace’s face twisted with pain, heart hurting for Luffy, as he replied softly “I’m sorry, Luffy…”. His arm came up and wrapped around Luffy’s shoulders, his fingers rubbed soothing circles into Luffy’s back, comforting him without words. 

"I probably wouldn't even have wanted to live if it weren't for that whole deal with Sabo and having an unruly little brother like you to look out for," Ace said reflectively. 

"No one else wanted me, after all. So, it was only natural…Oh, and if you ever see Dadan please give her my regards," Ace continued, the words tumbling over one another as Ace rambled. His mind flitting from one topic to another rapidly as he scrambled to say everything he wanted before it was too late. "For some reason, now that I know that I'm going to die, even her name sounds touching to me..."

Ace paused momentarily when Luffy whined sharply and pleaded with him again to not die before forging on. 

"I only have one regret. That I can't see you fulfill your dream." Ace said with a weak smile. It looked brittle like it would break at the slightest provocation. It made him look grim. But he also looked so very proud of his baby brother. Ace could hardly believe Luffy was here in front of him after braving Impel Down and Marineford and so many other dangers that would have sent lesser men to their knees with terror. Ace’s smile morphed into something genuine. "But I'm sure you can make it. You are my little brother, after all."

Luffy sniffled, tears streaming silently down his face, as he listened to Ace’s last words. He willed himself to commit all of them to heart. If this was the last thing his brother wanted to say to him then Luffy wanted to cherish it. Even though every word  _ hurt _ him physically. Luffy wondered hysterically if he would have been in less pain if Ace were to drive knives into his skin, needles under his nails. Surely, it couldn’t hurt as much as this emotional agony. He felt bruised inside, like someone had taken steel wool and scraped away at his insides until all that was left was a bloody, gaping wound. It left him feeling empty and raw, scrubbed clean of everything that had made him  _ Luffy.  _

"On that day...just like we promised on that day. When we promised each other that we’d live free. I have no regrets about how I lived my life."

"That's not true! Don't lie to me!" Luffy sobbed. How could Ace not regret _ this _ ? Luffy felt nothing but regret. This- this wasn’t what he wanted! He was furious that Ace was so calm about this. 

"I'm not lying. What I truly wanted wasn't fame or to be renowned or anything like that," Ace murmured as he continued to rub Luffy's back soothingly. He smiled weakly. "Was it good that I was born? What I really wanted was just the answer to that question."

Ace paused again, wheezing weakly. His chest rattled with each breath. It was horrifying to listen to. Luffy never wanted to hear another person breath like this ever again. He’d die before he ever had to go through that again. 

"I can't speak loud enough for the others to hear anymore...so please pass on...what I'm about to say..." Ace said breathlessly. His breathing got slower and more labored and Luffy realized this was it. Ace was really going to die. Luffy’s eyes blurred with tears; he blinked rapidly to clear his vision and swallowed down the sobs that threatened to tear him apart. If this was the last time he ever saw Ace, heard his voice, he wanted to remember everything clearly. 

"Old Man, everyone, and you, Luffy... even though...I'm so worthless...even though…I carry the blood of a demon...thank you for loving me!" he exclaimed as loud as he could, tears of gratitude streaming down his cheeks.

His arms tightened almost imperceptibly around Luffy as he embraced his brother for the last time. Trying to convey without words all the love and affection he had for his baby brother.  _ I love you. I love you. I am so sorry. I’m so glad that you’re safe. I don’t regret it. I’d do it again. Because I love you. I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou- _

Ace hoped Luffy would understand. He thought he would with time ‘ _ he’ll probably be a brat about it first though’  _ Ace joked to himself. Ace could almost imagine the tantrum Luffy would throw, he was sure that it would be unparalleled. His lips twitched into a small smile; it wasn’t funny but Ace was so happy that Luffy would live to throw that tantrum that he didn’t care if other people thought it was funny or not. He tilted his head back, feeling the sun warm his face. It was nice he thought; inhaling deeply he smelled the salt in the air, his smile turned into something more genuine, and he laughed. He sighed contentedly and then he was falling. 

~

**Can you hear heaven cry?**

**Tears of an angel**

**Tears of an angel**

**Tears of an angel**

**Tears of an angel**

~

Time seemed to stop as Ace collapsed onto the rough, stone ground. He hit the ground with a sickening thud. 

The sound echoed in Luffy’s ears. 

He hated it! He wanted to scour the sound from his ears, he wanted to take that sound and tear it to pieces so he’d never have to hear it again; he thought he might be sick. His chest heaved experimentally, bringing up nothing but air, his breath catching in his throat. A heavy weight he couldn’t swallow around. 

Luffy sank back down onto his heels, his hands trembling uselessly in front of him, grief rose inside him like bubbles. They popped against his breast bone and filled his heart with a bleakness that was too much for him to bear. 

He gaped at Ace, his breathing erratic and out of control, his thoughts raced rabbit fast through his head. Dimly, he wished they would slow down. He couldn’t organize his thoughts, couldn’t slow down the whirlwind of despair and anger and regret and pain that shot through him, couldn’t speak because of the horror growing inside of him. 

His thoughts were tangling and twisting together. Creating an endless mantra of:  _ don’t leave me! Please, don’t leave me alone! I still need you! Come back! Please, please, please come back! I don’t want to be alone! _ It was awful. 

Luffy felt as though he was breaking. His eyes burned with salt, tears painting twin trails of fire down his cheeks. Through his tears, Luffy saw the last corner of Ace’s vivre card disintegrate. The ashes caught the sunlight as they danced on the breeze. It was morbidly pretty. 

Luffy stared at them, the lump in his throat growing even larger, he swallowed around it. He was surprised when the action hurt; his throat felt like it had been scraped with sandpaper. Luffy imagined he could feel blood trickling down the back of his throat, choking him. Had he been screaming? He couldn’t remember. 

His eyes were frozen on Ace’s bod- on  _ Ace.  _ Ace looked peaceful in death; if not for the blood covering his face and torso Luffy would have thought he was just asleep. Like he’d sit up and laugh and say  _ I got you! Did you really think I was dead, baka!?  _ Luffy waited. Ace didn’t move. Luffy waited some more; still nothing. 

Around him the battlefield was eerily silent as pirates and marines continued to fight each other, the sound of their weapons clashing and their shouts falling on deaf ears as Luffy sunk inside himself. 

It was safe here. Here inside his mind Luffy felt warm and safe, floating calmly through a world untouched by the chaos around him. His emotions simultaneously felt overwhelmingly close at hand and distant, like they were happening to someone else. Fireworks of grief and anger and an unbearable heaviness exploding inside him. Bright bursts of emotion flooding through him before they faded away, only the ghost of them left behind. 

Memories flashed before his eyes. Memories of the brothers running through the forest, of that day by Sabo’s grave, of training and hunting and playing in their tree fort. Of the tears and laughter and pain and utter freedom they experienced during their childhood on Mt. Colubo. 

The memories come faster and faster, each one feeling like a physical blow, the sound of screaming echoes in his ears as his vision blurs. Until finally Luffy collapsed in hurt and exhaustion. As everything fades to black, Luffy blearily looks at the horizon. He thinks he sees a - yellow? - boat appear in the harbour. Then he is gone. 

~

**So hold on**

**Be strong**

**Everyday hope will grow**

~

Luffy was not enjoying Amazon Lily. Sure, the people still were very friendly and the island was exciting, and the view of the ocean and the call of the birds was practically heaven compared to Impel Down, compared to Marineford. If only he could properly enjoy it.

His shoulders heaved, stretching his bandages painfully tight against his skin, the pain barely registering. Smoke poured out of the hole he had torn in his haste to escape the ship behind him. Crew members frantically shouting at one another as they raced about trying to patch the hole and calm the distraught pirate captain down. 

"Ace...Ace...where's Ace!?" he screamed anxiously. 

Only silence answered him. 

The pirates looked at each other uneasily. Unsure of what to say and unwilling to injure him further by forcing him to calm down. They shifted restlessly from foot to foot as they circled Luffy. Cautiously approaching him like he was a wild animal and they were unsure if he would lash out or not. 

‘ _ No no no no no-’  _ pounded through Luffy’s head, a bolt of horror jolting through him. ‘ _ It’s just a nightmare! It has to be a nightmare; I just have to wake up-’  _

His pulse thundered in his ears drowning out the concerned calls of the Heart Pirates. They had crept closer while Luffy was panicking and were now close enough to grab him. Their hands closed on empty air as Luffy,despite being half-dead, easily evaded them. The assembled Heart Pirates shouted in alarm. They grasped for Luffy’s arms, his bandages, anything they could get a hold of, their arms swinging in wild arcs as they fought to contain him. Forgetting to be gentle in their desperation to catch him. Law and Jinbei watched passively from the background. Displeasure was apparent on the latter’s face; the look deepened as Law said something to him. 

Luffy hardly registered the din. Absently, he threw another of Law’s crew off of him. They hit the ground with an ‘oof!’, a cloud of dust rising from where their body had hit the ground. Luffy gasped. The dust cloud had transformed into black clouds of smoke tainted with the smell of burning flesh. He blinked. The cloud turned back to normal; just dust floating in the light breeze. It was okay, no one was burning, no one had been burning because that was unacceptable and therefore it could not have happened. It  _ couldn’t _ have. 

But if it hadn’t happened then where was Ace? 

Luffy looked around desperately at the pirates surrounding him. His eyes jumped from one face to another. Straining to catch a glimpse of his brother in the crowd. He couldn’t find him. He frowned. His breath rushed in and out of him faster and faster. He felt heavy and slow with confusion. Where was Ace? Why wasn’t he here? 

His head felt empty of everything except for thoughts of Ace. He consumed his every thought; it was like a gravitational pull that Luffy was helpless to resist. No matter how hard he tried his thoughts always returned to his big brother and the sense of wrongness he felt. 

He took a deep breath and then another. The fresh air helped a little to clear his mind. Slowly, sound filtered back into his awareness - the low murmur of Law’s voice, the panicked voices of his crew, the lapping of the waves against the shore, the birds singing in the trees behind him. 

Luffy paused. 

‘ _ Birds,’ he thought ‘maybe Ace is in the forest!’  _

The thought filled him with a giddy energy. He bounced on his toes. Suddenly extremely anxious to search the trees for his lost brother. A pirate came up behind him and grabbed him by the shoulders. Luffy twisted. Grabbing his arm he carelessly threw him over his shoulder. The man yelped when he hit the ground, groaning like he was hurt. Maybe he was. Luffy didn’t care. 

Leaf litter covered the ground between the trees, the light was dazzling, it gleamed and pulsed like Ace did. It reminded him of family. It made him feel safe. Luffy’s lips twitched like he wanted to smile but couldn’t convince his muscles to complete the action.

Suddenly, a distant memory wiggled in the back of his mind. 

_ ‘...and I hope it reminds you of your family and we’ll be together. Even if only in spirit’ _

Luffy gasped. He needed to find Ace! Why was he just standing around when his brother needed him! He needed to go, he needed-

_ He needed to know that his brother was still _ here. 

Screaming he turned and ran towards the jungle. Desperately shouting Ace’s name all the while. 

The jungle was thick with trees. Branches caught on the flimsy fabric of his bandages and in his hair. Luffy knocked them away - sometimes knocking entire trees over or splintering them into so many broken pieces - irritated that they were impeding his progress; rocks were crushed to dust under his heels, the long grass flattened by his frantic flight. A physical testament to his desperation. 

Nausea nipped savagely at his heels as he ran. The sudden exertion after weeks of unconsciousness leaving him feeling dizzy and unwell. He swallowed thickly. Trying to force the queasiness to go away. It worked a little. His stomach was still churning but he didn’t feel like he was in immediate danger of throwing up anymore. 

Panting, Luffy took in his surroundings. He was in a clearing, broken sticks and stones littered the ground around him. His knuckles ached. Blood oozing from the stinging cuts he’d gotten on his wild charge through the trees. Man, who knew that trees could be so sharp! Later, Luffy would be grateful that at least he hadn’t gotten a bunch of slivers. Those hurt and he didn’t really want to be a human porcupine. Although that would be a really cool power... 

For now though, luffy was just a scared little boy lost in a world that had proven itself to be crueler than he’d ever imagined. Not to mention confusing.

It didn’t seem possible to go from something as terrible as the war he’d participated in at Marineford to a serene sunwarmed forest.

Luffy didn’t understand how the world was able to seamlessly transition between being absolutely  _ monstrous _ to something so  _ normal _ . It didn’t make sense. Luffy wasn’t sure but he felt like it should have been harder. Like he should have had to fight in order to get any semblance of a normal life back instead of it just  _ happening _ . It didn’t seem fair that he’d had to go through these awful situations - Impel Down, Magellan, giving up who knows how many years of his life,  _ Ace _ \- and get nothing in return. 

It just wasn’t fair. 

It was like he was trapped in a nightmare.

Luffy stilled; maybe this was all just a nightmare! Then all he had to do was wake-up and everything would be the way it was! 

Raising his hand he dug his nails into his cheek and  _ pulled _ . 

Blood immediately welled in the indents his nails left in his skin as Luffy brutally stretched his own cheek. His abused body screamed in protest as it was strained further. The pain made him kinda lightheaded but he was undeterred. The pain wasn’t real. All he had to do was wake up and the pain would go away, right? 

He whimpered in distress as nothing happened. 

Shouldn’t he have woken up by now? 

He pulled harder. Blood began to stream down his cheek as the thin cuts were forced wider. Luffy was too terrified to notice. He’d pinched himself and nothing had changed. He didn’t startle awake, time didn’t rewind, the world around him didn’t suddenly go back to normal.

So that meant...that this wasn’t a nightmare. Ace had really-

Ace had really  _ died _ .

Unbidden, the memory of Ace’s last words popped into his head. 

_ "I'm sorry…Luffy. Just for me...you did all that crazy stuff...but...I couldn't let you save me properly. I'm...so sorry..." _

Suddenly, Luffy was certain that he was holding Ace close to his chest, could feel the weight as his big brother sagged against him, could feel thick, cold blood congealing on his hands. The sensation was horrifyingly vivid. Almost as though there actually was a weight, or worse - blood, on him.

Trembling his gaze dropped to his hands. He exclaimed in alarm to see that the palms of his hands were absolutely drenched in blood. It dripped off the tips of his fingers and splashed on the ground dying the grass a sickening shade of red.

Luffy screamed. 

Like a man possessed he bashed his hands against rocks, trees, the ground - anything he could touch - in a frenzied attempt to wipe the blood away. But the blood didn’t budge. In fact, it didn’t even smear; it just puddled on his hands, passing through anything that tried to wipe it off like it was intangible. 

‘It must be mystery blood’ Luffy thought hysterically to himself. His efforts to get the ‘mystery blood’ off his hands increasing in intensity. 

"Disappear! Disappear!" he screamed as he hefted an enormous rock over his head and threw it. The rock collided with the side of a cliff with a boom before crumbling into pieces. The rubble bounced harmlessly off his rubber skin, falling to lie broken on the trampled grass. Luffy panted harshly. He sank heavily onto his knees. Rocks and twigs dug into the meatly flesh of his calves. One more hurt for him to weather. He wheezed as he attempted to catch his breath, completely exhausted from his fit. 

A soft clunking sound caught his attention. It sounded vaguely familiar, but Luffy couldn’t quite place where he’d heard it before. He twisted to look behind him and...oh, it was Jinbei’s wooden sandals making that clunking noise as they thunked harder than necessary against the ground with each step. Probably so that he didn’t startle him when he found him and risk getting sucker-punched, he mused. 

Jinbei’s face was grim as he approached the young pirate captain. Bandages covered the entirety of his chest and gauze had been taped over a particularly bad wound on his neck. Deep lines surrounded his narrowed eyes but beyond that he gave no indication that he’d been grievously injured only days ago. Luffy wondered how he hadn’t noticed this before. He supposed that Jinbei’s kimono did a good job of hiding a lot of the bandages. Or maybe he was just really out of it; both sounded like they could be true. 

Luffy warily glared at the fishman as he continued his struggle for air. It shouldn’t have been this hard to breathe, right? 

Jinbei stared calmly back. 

"The war has ended," Jimbei said. "Ace is..."

"Don't say it! Don't say another word!" Luffy interrupted. Effectively cutting off whatever the fishman was about to say. "I've already pinched my cheek so hard that it started to bleed! If this was a dream, I would have woken up by now!" His voice cracked. He swallowed heavily before soldering on. "It's not a dream, isn't it? Ace died, didn't he!?" he yelled as tears began to bead in the corners of his eyes.

Jimbei’s heart broke as he gazed at the defeated boy before him. He wished he could have spared Ace’s brother this grief but he was powerless to stop it. He couldn’t save his friend from execution. He couldn’t even comfort his dear nakama’s little brother. It was shameful. His eyes began to fill with tears as well. He forced them back, his eyes burning from the strain. This wasn’t about him. He had to find a way to ease Luffy’s pain; it would be a disgrace to Ace’s memory if he did nothing! 

Through all this Luffy looked at the fishman hopefully. Hoping with all his heart that Jinbei would tell him Ace was just fine. So he saw the moment that resolve returned to his allies eyes. Jinbei’s eyes locked firmly with Luffy’s as he delivered the damning truth. Ace was dead. There would be no second chances, no do-overs; it was like Sabo all over again. His last brother had died and a part of Luffy had died with him.

~

**I'm here don't you fear**

**Little one**

**Don't let go**

**Don't let go**

**Don't let go**

~

It hurt. Even though Luffy had finally had his question answered it didn’t feel good to know the truth. It wasn’t cathartic, it wasn’t a relief, it just made him feel worse. Knowing was painful; ignorance had been terrifying and confusing but at least it hadn’t  _ hurt _ . Like Jinbei had just torn his heart out of his chest instead of just saying a few measly words. 

The tears began to come faster as they trailed down the apples of Luffy’s cheeks. Sobs wracked his lithe frame, his entire body shaking with the force of his grief. Jinbei watched silently, a solitary witness to Luffy’s despair. 

For the first time it struck the fishman how very young the infamous strawhat pirate was. He was only seventeen and already he had done more in his one year as a pirate than most people accomplish their entire lives. Overthrowing a tyrant, toppling a potential tyrant and inadvertently stopping a revolution, ending a war that had raged for 400 years, storming Ennis Lobby, and orchestrating the biggest jail break in Impel Down history to name a few of the Strawhats impressive accomplishments. It was no wonder that Luffy had earned the title of supernova. 

'It’s almost painfully ironic', Jinbei mused. 

In astronomy a supernova occurs when a star can no longer support its core against its own gravity and explodes. These explosions are so great that the energy emitted by a supernova may briefly outshine the energy output of an entire galaxy. For this brief instant, they shine brighter and stronger than any star around them. However, when the explosion ends all that’s left is a dead star. Just the empty shell of something that once burned so brilliantly. 

Looking at Luffy now it was easy to see the similarities between him and a supernova. He rose - streams of light and glory trailing in his wake - and then he fell. Going out in a bang that shook the entire world. A bang so big that it dramatically altered the course of history. All because Luffy chose to participate in the War of the Best, an event that already would have gone down in history, and give it even more significance. 

Jinbei smiled softly. 

‘But’ he continued ‘that’s just another part of being a supernova.’

For you see, supernovas explode and die all the time but the truth is that’s not the end for these stars. When a supernova explodes the materials that made up the star scatter and in turn make new stars. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, life from death. Not gone. Just forged into a different shape. 

Jinbei mourned that he never got to meet pre-supernova Luffy. The shining star he was before he was thrust into his refining fire. He must have been a wonder to behold. But he has absolute faith that post-supernova Luffy will burn just as brightly, accomplish even greater things. 

~

While Jinbei was busy thinking, the boy in question had dissolved into painful wailing. 

Luffy screamed as he punched the ground several times as anguish consumed him. Tears messily streamed down his face. He coughed and choked as he attempted, to no avail, to stop the flow of tears. He pushed his forehead into the dirt before him and bawled. 

Why did he ever think he could do this? What had possessed him to even  _ think  _ that he could conquer the strongest sea in the world when thousands of people before him had failed? 

Luffy didn’t know the answer.

He remembered how excited he was to start his pirate career. No crew, no supplies, no nothing. All he had was the clothes on his back, a tiny fishing boat and an incredible dream. Sitting here now he could hardly believe that he’d ever been that naive; so _ stupidly _ faithful in the world and the people within it. 

He shuddered. 

"Me? Become Pirate King? Yeah right!" Luffy sneered. How could he be the Pirate King when he couldn’t even save a single one of his precious nakama? When he couldn’t even save Ace? And he’d tried so hard,  _ so hard _ . 

Suddenly, all he could hear were the voices of those who had ever mocked his dream. Told him ‘of course you can’t be the Pirate King! You’re a nobody! Just one more body to be broken beneath an impossible, cruel dream.’ Crocodile, Enel, Moriah, Kizaru, the Baron….they were all right. 

"I'm too weak!" Luffy sobbed. "I can't be Pirate King! I can't protect anything!"

The sudden shout snapped Jinbei’s attention back to the younger pirate. His jaw dropped in shock. Too weak? The pirate who had broken out of the infamous inescapable prison? Defied countless odds as he journeyed through Paradise and always came out on top? Was Luffy so blind that he couldn’t see past some imagined image of himself? 

He had to do something. If he let Luffy remain in this state, he’d never be able to look his family in the eye without feeling ashamed that he didn’t do more to help! 

"Luffy-kun..." Jimbei said, interjected concern audible in his low voice. 

"Go away. Just leave me alone!" Luffy roared. His head still pressed against the ground

"I cannot do that! I cannot allow you to hurt yourself anymore than you already have!" 

"Shut up! It's my own body! I can do whatever I want with it!" 

"If so, then Ace's body was his own too. He was free to die, regardless of what we wanted."

"Be quiet!" Luffy shouted as he finally raised his head. He looked awful. His face was red and blotchy from crying, his eyes were bloodshot, blood dotted the bandages on his hands and feet. There was something strained about his face that gave him the appearance that he was on the verge of collapsing. Like he’d fall to pieces if he was so much as hit with a strong gust of wind. "The next time you say something I'll beat the crap out of you!"

"If that will make you feel better, then go ahead and try. I am quite weak myself, but I will not lose to you. Not as you are now." Jinbei growled. He planted his feet firmly against the ground and dropped into a fighting stance. He didn’t particularly  _ want  _ to fight Strawhat but if that’s what it takes to make him see reason then so be it. 

Said pirate glared at the fishman, furious, as he painstakingly got to his feet. He roughly wiped the tears from his eyes. He swayed briefly before seeming to find his footing. Jinbei was faintly surprised that he’d even managed that much. It was obvious that it was taking everything the young pirate had to even remain standing. He didn’t think Luffy could fight even if he wanted to. He was just too injured and tired. But Luffy had never been the kind of person that backs away from a challenge. 

So despite being at the end of his rope - mentally and physically - the supernova charged the former warlord. 

They tussled briefly. Weak punches flying and uncoordinated limbs flailing as Luffy attempted to take down Jinbei and Jinbei tried to force Luffy to open his eyes to reality. As quickly as the fighting started, it ended abruptly with Luffy biting the fishman hard on the arm and Jinbei consequently slamming the small pirate into a large rock. 

Luffy hung suspended in the air, his back against the rough stone as Jinbei’s hand around his throat pinned him to the rock behind him. 

"Can you not see anything!?" Jimbei questioned in a stern voice as he continued to squeeze Luffy's neck. "You believed that you could overcome anything and you never doubted your strength! But all those formidable enemies took away your confidence, and rendered you unable to see anything! And then your brother, who was your guiding light, was stolen away! I know you have lost a lot!"

"The great obstacle known as the world is blocking your vision!" Jimbei continued. "You will never find your way like this! You are being consumed by dark clouds of regret and guilt!" 

Luffy’s fingers clawed at the hand around his throat in an attempt to remove the offending appendage that was currently cutting off his air supply. It was uncomfortable but if Luffy was being honest with himself Jinbei’s words hurt more. They forcefully reminded Luffy of everything he’d gone through to reach this point. All the battles he’d won and lost; every mistake he’d ever made; and how even now after all was said and done he was still screwing up. Unable to lift himself above the heartache he was feeling. It made him feel weak; contributing to the endless circle of grief, anger and regret brewing in Luffy. He didn’t know how to deal with these feelings. In fact, he couldn’t think of a single outlet for his grief. It was like he’d fallen into a pit of despair, no exit in sight. He just...didn’t know what he was supposed to be living for now. What was the point of existing if Ace wasn’t here with him?

"I know that it is painful now, Luffy, but you have to bottle up those feelings!" Jimbei yelled. "Do not think about the ones you have lost! You can never get back what you have lost! Remember what you still have!"

What he still had? But...he didn’t have anything left....right?

Slowly, Luffy stopped struggling and went completely limp in Jimbei's grip. He said nothing. Just continued to hang from where Jinbei had pinned him. The world around them was quiet. As though the entire world was holding its breath in anticipation for what would come next. The battered fishman cautiously straightened his fingers from where they’d been curled against Luffy’s throat. Watching warily in case the boy decided to attack him again or run away. 

Luffy didn’t move. Satisfied that he wasn’t going anywhere Jinbei removed his hand completely. With the loss of his support, Luffy slid down the huge rock and landed in a heap on the meadow floor. He stared blankly at his hands, deep in thought.

Seriously, what did he have left? He’d had Sabo and he’d died, he’d had Ace and he’d died, he still had Gramps but he was scary. Even Nami wasn’t as scary as Gramps when he’s-

Wait.

Nami?

Nami...was on...his crew. He still...had his crew. 

He still had his crew!

He gasped. How had he forgotten them?! Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, Franky, and Brook. His nakama! His treasure! Luffy’s eyes gleamed with tears, he began to laugh breathlessly. He’d forgotten. How. How. How! How did he- why did he forget them? They’d gone on so many adventures together. They were just as important to him as Sabo and Ace had been.

Zoro was the coolest person he’d ever met and Nami was like the sister he’d never had and Usopp told the  _ best  _ stories and Chopper and Robin and Franky were some of the smartest people he’d ever met. Robin knew more about history than anyone and Chopper could heal anything and Franky could build anything! It was amazing the things that they could do when they put their minds to it! And Brook was awesome; a skeleton that played music! How cool was that! 

His laughter turned to sobs. He missed them! 

"I still have- I still have my crew!" Luffy exclaimed through his tears. "Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, Franky, Brook! My friends are still here! We agreed on a meeting place...I gotta go...I'm pretty late, but..I'm sure that they're waiting for me!"

Jimbei smiled. Relief clear on his face, he closed his eyes, tilting his head back to greet the sun. It warmed his face. It reminded him of Ace’s perpetual warmth. He was so relieved that...he hadn’t let Ace down. Luffy had remembered what was important to him. He wasn’t healed by any means, these things take time, but he would be. His friends would help him continue to heal; Jinbei was confident in that. 

"I want to see them now!" Luffy sobbed like a child. All wild tears and rampaging emotions. "I want to see them again!"

~

**Cover my eyes**

**Cover my ears**

**Tell me these words are a lie.**

~

Eventually, Luffy’s tears begin to slow. He sniffled and raised a hand to rub the dried tears off his face. He grimaced, his eyes burned and his face felt like it had been rubbed raw, uugh. He felt drained. Completely exhausted by all the crying he’d done and the physical activity he’d forced his body to do. 

Yawning, he looked around. Jinbei was seated across from him, a good six feet separating them, he smiled gently at Luffy when he noticed that he was looking at him. He’d apparently sat down at some point while he’d been too busy crying to notice. Luffy returned the smile. His smile was small and watery, a feeble shadow of his usual 100-watt grin, but it was genuine and that’s what Luffy thought was most important. 

Jinbei didn’t look like he especially cared that he hadn’t grinned at him. He just looked happy to see Luffy trying. Something in Luffy’s chest eased, knowing that Jinbei wasn’t angry or disappointed in him.

“Sorry, Jinbei,” he said suddenly “I’m sorry I bit you and tried to punch you in the face…”

Jinbei waved his hand dismissively, nonchalantly brushing his apology away. 

“It’s fine. I know that you were- are hurting. I could never be angry with you for grieving. Grief does what it does and nothing we do can stop that. It’s like the tides; we can see it and feel it and try to choose the best way to direct our ships through it but we cannot control it. It is an unpredictable force of nature. It rises and it falls. One day your sorrow might swell and then the next return to the equilibrium you’ve found. There’s no telling what could happen.”

Luffy was quiet, absorbing this. So it would never go away? This sorrow he felt? He’d - what - just learn to live with it? That didn’t sound very fun….but he’d experienced this before hadn’t he? With Sabo? He’d been devastated when his brother had died. He cried for days, weeks after he heard the news and then one day he woke up to find that he...wasn’t sad anymore. Or, at least, not to the same extent anyway. Had he just accepted the sadness as part of himself? 

“What do you do, then? If it never stops hurting?” He asked quietly. His eyes burned into Jinbei’s, desperation lining his face. 

Accepting the death of a loved one is one of the hardest things a person could do. It would be especially hard for people like Luffy. This wasn’t some bad guy he could defeat with his fists, wasn’t a battle he would win through brute force. It was a battle with his own heart and feelings; and that’s scarier than any villain he’d faced. It made him feel helpless just  _ waiting  _ for the battle to be won. A defenseless bystander to the war waged between what he knew and what he felt.

Jinbei sighed. “...It depends. Some people get tattoos to remember their loved ones by…”

_ Like Nami, like Ace. _

“Or dedicate their lives to a cause that was important to the person they lost. There’s no one way to deal with grief.”

His hand drifted to his brand and he swallowed thickly before continuing to speak.

“...for me and my crew. My friends. My family. We turned something we hated into a mark that joined us together. It doesn’t take away the pain of what we went through or diminish the loss we felt for our fallen brothers and sisters. Nothing could do that. But it keeps them close….and I know that they would have been overjoyed to realize that we’d won back our freedom.”

His voice was wet with tears as he finished and Luffy’s heart went out to the fishman. He wanted to say that he understood, that he knew what it was like to have the rug pulled from beneath his feet but he couldn’t find the words. Everything sounded inconsiderate or fell flat or made him feel selfish. He couldn’t comfort Jinbei like he’d comforted him. He wasn’t smart enough. Too clumsy with words to reassure Jinbei that what he felt was okay. 

But Jinbei was his friend and he couldn’t leave him feeling sad. He had to try. 

He opened his mouth to console him, say all the things he’d thought, but what came out was, “My grandpa drank tea. Said that it kept his loved ones close.”

Jinbei nodded solemnly. “Tea is special. I can see why he’d choose it.”

Luffy gaped at him. Did all old people think tea was some kind of divine gift? What, did they have an entire secret society centered around tea? Ridiculous. 

The fishman chuckled at his dumbstruck expression, giant shoulders heaving like waves in the sea. He laughed for a while before sobering. He turned back towards the young pirate.

“What do you want to do?” He asked abruptly.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you want to do to remember Ace? I told you what I did and you told me what your grandfather does. But, Luffy, what do  _ you _ want to do?”

Luffy mulled this over. He could tell that his answer was important to Jinbei, and to himself, and he didn’t want to rush into a decision and end up making the wrong choice.

“...I can't change the past but I can do my best to improve the future. I’m going to find my friends again and go on adventures with them! We’re gonna see the world! Ace just wanted to be free so I’m gonna be the freest person in the world! I’m going to achieve my dream! I’ll be the Pirate King and then nobody will be able to take my freedom from me! It’s what Ace would’ve wanted!”

The world seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at the declaration. Around them the birds began to sing again, wind could be heard whistling through the branches above them, insects buzzed and hummed as time began to move forward once again. Luffy paid no mind to these sounds. Instead, he imagined that he could hear the echoes of the first declaration he and Ace shared together all those years ago on the cliff overlooking Sabo’s Ocean. 

_ "I'm not that bright, so I don't really know what caused Sabo's death but it has to be something that opposes freedom. Sabo died without ever having tasted freedom...But we're still alive after having made an oath with him. So listen, Luffy. We have to live a life with no regrets. One day, we're going to sail the seas and live our lives as we want! No one will be freer than us!" _

“That’s a good dream,” Jinbei murmured. “A very good dream. Ace would be proud of you.”

Luffy’s whole face lit up; it was like the sun finally coming out from behind the clouds on a rainy day. He tilted his head back and let the sun warm his face. It was a good warmth. It felt like cuddling with his friends during the cold nights in the Alabasta desert or Ace’s warm hand on his shoulder. If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine that Ace really was standing behind him supporting him. 

‘Ace….it feels like you’re still right beside me,’ he thought ‘I won’t say goodbye when it feels like your presence is so clearly here but I- I won’t let it hold me back. You couldn’t make it here yourself but I’ll carry you with me! We’ll rise to the top together! I’ll be the best, just you wait!’

Above him, the sun seemed to shine a little brighter. A sense of peace filled him. Yes, he could do it; he would do it! And when he finally saw his brothers again he’d tell them all about the adventures he’d had. It would be worth the wait, he laughed. 

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since I last updated this! I only wanted to edit it a little bit and now it’s like 12,000 words longer than the original version. *laughs nervously* It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything except essays so I’m sorry if it’s a little rough. And for all the ooc-ness of the characters. It’s been a looonnng time since I’ve watched One Piece. The characters are based on how I imagined they’d react in this situation and what I gathered from watching clips on YouTube. A lot of the dialogue is also copied from the anime and the manga just so it followed the events as closely as possible while putting my own spin on things. 


End file.
